Website owner: James Miller
On maintaining happiness in marriage
I have just seen the YouTube video
I feel lonely in my family, Why Japanese men are isolated at home.
I think this Japanese fellow is talking about a subject that is relevant not only to Japan but also in the United States and probably in most countries of the world. What would I have to say on this subject?
First, I suspect that women just naturally tend to be much closer to their children than men. They are just more caring, more concerned, more protective, have a stronger love for their children than fathers. I was personally much closer to my mother than to my father. My father was somewhat distant — and definitely authoritarian. I was expected to obey and he wasn’t joking. A couple of bad lickings with switches from trees enforced that knowledge. I didn’t dare disobey. I was a bit afraid of him and that is what he wanted.
Men tend to be more objective and rational than women. Women tend to be more emotion and feeling oriented than men. Women are more likely to be influenced by sympathy. I once read a quotation attributed to Aristotle, “The reason women love their children more than men do is because they are more sure they are theirs.” Implicit in this statement is the assumption that women love their children more than men.
In general, with mammals, it is the female that raises the young, protects them, makes sure they have something to eat, etc. (A male bear will actually attempt to kill his male offspring — with the female defending them.) Man is a mammal so it is not surprising that he acts like other mammals. Females have special instincts that make them care for their young. It is the love that a mother feels for her offspring.
Because of all this, a mother with her children in the home may become a tightly net group with the husband somewhat isolated.
Do I have any suggestions on how to avoid a husband and wife becoming estranged? I am 85 years old and have had 58 years of an extremely happy, good marriage. Is that just good luck? I don’t think so.
Part of the reason may be that we have no children (by design). I think children can be the source of a lot of problems, frustrations, and stresses in a marriage. Children are human beings and may have their own frustrations and problems, perhaps emotional problems, and their problems may cause stresses for their parents.
With this said, I can tell you that on Day 1 of my marriage I determined within myself that I was going to make our marriage work. I knew many marriages went badly and I was determined this would not happen to me. I intended to make my marriage work, not just hope it worked. I was going to be proactive. I would go more than half way, bend as much as needed, do whatever was needed.
I am married to a good person. I know she is a good person. That is part of the reason my marriage has been good. If I were married to a bad person and I realized that, my marriage probably wouldn’t have lasted.
One rule for a good marriage: make sure that you don’t lose rapport with your spouse. Maintain the rapport. Keep talking. Don’t become enemies. Don’t allow things to deteriorate to that point. Don’t be afraid to admit you are wrong and apologize.
See
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