The modern single and casual sex

SolitaryRoad.com

Website owner:  James Miller

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What is behind my love for my wife? It is my view of her as a good person — an honest, moral, trustworthy, virtuous, chaste, kind, good person. It is my high regard for her as a person. (And sex has absolutely nothing to do with it.) I have lived with her long enough (57 years) to feel I know her well and I appreciate her. What causes me to like anyone? It is the same thing. My high opinion of them as people of integrity, morality and goodness. That is just my mind, the way my mind works. Even if I know a person doesn’t like me, if I sense they are people of integrity, morality and goodness I will like them. On the other hand, if I don’t have a good opinion of someone in a moral sense, I am not going to like them much. And the same thing is true in regard to the opinion that I have of myself. If I couldn’t view myself as a person of integrity, morality, and goodness I wouldn’t like myself much.

I just read I Stopped Having Casual Sex. Here’s How It Changed Me. The life that the author spoke of — finding dates through computer apps, casual sex, one-night stands, etc — caused me to wonder just how many singles in our modern, western world live that kind of life. I suspect that a whole lot of them do. Probably a whole lot more of them than I would ever guess.

The mind-set of the modern western world seems to be that sex is everything. Western man seems to go on the tacit assumption that the purpose of marriage is sex and that is what everything is all about. Life is all about the pursuit of pleasure and sex is the ultimate pleasure. If this is so he is highly deluded and programmed for unhappiness.

It is all about your reference frame. Today the modern western world views everything in terms of the modern liberal reference frame — consisting of a whole lot of liberal atheistic assumptions and outlooks that have evolved over the years in close connection with modern psychiatry. A hundred years ago the West viewed things in terms of the Victorian Biblical reference frame. From the viewpoint of the Biblical reference frame sex outside marriage is immoral, high sin, and the punishment for it is eternal hell.

1 Cor 6:9-10 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not

inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither

fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,

nor sodomites, {10} nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards,

nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.

From the Biblical viewpoint the modern singles engaging in all this casual sex are simply shameless profligates and sluts and their end will be hell.

The evil implanted in man by nature spreads so imperceptibly, when the habit of wrong-doing is unchecked, that he himself can set no limit to his shamelessness. Cicero

I regard that man as lost, who has lost his sense of shame.

Plautus

The following is from: Health and sexuality: a waning interest in intimacy

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INTEREST IN SEX IS GOING, GOING, GONE

Question: I am a 40-year-old woman, married 18 years, with twins, age 15, and a 12-year-old. I am a stay-at-home mom. I spend a lot of time driving the kids to their activities every day. My husband continues to be very interested in having sex, but I couldn't care less. I'm nowhere near menopause, but I think my hormones are off or something. I have no awareness of desire anymore. What's happening to me? I still love him very much.

Answer: This is a complaint I hear from a lot from women. A recent study published by the National Institutes of Health found that the prevalence of sexual dysfunction among all women is estimated to be between 25 and 63 percent. Those figures are even higher for postmenopausal women, at 68 to 86.5 percent. Also, sexual dysfunction is more common in women (43 percent) than in men (31 percent). Further, the Global Study of Sexual Attitudes and Behaviors found that between 26 and 48 percent of women over 40 reported a lack of interest in sex.

To answer your question, you could be experiencing a lack of desire for many reasons. Part of the sex therapy process would be to uncover these reasons and develop ways to increase your desire. Being a stay-at-home mom is a full-time job and exhausting. Are you getting enough sleep? Lack of sleep can lead to reduced testosterone levels, which may contribute to a low libido or feelings of fatigue. Was your libido always low, or has it declined over the course of your marriage? It is not uncommon for a person's sex drive to change over time. Fluctuations in libido often coincide with stress levels, major changes in your life or your relationship, or hormonal changes. How is your relationship with your husband? Does he make you feel guilty for not having sex? Does he help out enough with the kids and around the house? If you are harboring anxious feelings about needing to have sex, or feeling resentment toward your husband for not helping enough with the kids or house, the last thing you will want to do with him is be intimate.

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The modern western world seems to go on the tacit assumption that sex is the main purpose and object of life. I suggest that the modern western world is highly deluded and that declining interest in sex with time is a completely natural, normal phenomenon and not some dysfunction to be concerned about.

5 Mar 2023